I’m a Bitch [p.s. #S4tlg – sorry for the language, Grammy].
Is there a word for that moment when a song describes your current situation? I love those moments. I think that’s why memes are so popular and why you feel reassured when you start to type a random question into Mother Google’s search engine and you find out that you’re not the only hypochondriac that’s curious if the pain in your left temple is caused by a brain tumor or if you simply have a headache. There is nothing more affirming when you realize you’re not the only one.
That leads me to my title: I’m a Bitch [#S4tlG].
While driving to 7-11 to get my nightly coffee fix, one of my childhood jams came on XM’s 90’s on 9.
Considering 8,160,000 other people asked Mother Google if they have a brain tumor, I think it’s safe to assume that I’m not the only person whose anthem was “I’m a Bitch,” by Meredith Brooks [#S4tlg].
I’m not sure, at 7, I truly appreciated this song but as an adult, I can’t help but get that feeling that I’m not the only one.
As humans, we are complex by nature.
I’m not one-dimensional.
You’re not one-dimensional.
We’re not one-dimensional
I am COMPLEX.
I am multi-dimensional.
And it’s time we honor that.
Like Meredith said, “You look at me like maybe I’m an angel underneath; Innocent and sweet.”
But I’m not.
Don’t get me wrong. I am genuinely nice, soft spoken and uncharacteristically diplomatic but I’m also mean. Petty. Sassy. [insert not so sweet and innocent adjective of your choice].
As Meredith said: “I’m a little bit of everything all rolled into one. I’m a bitch. I’m a lover. I’m a child. I’m a mother. I’m a sinner. I’m a saint. I do not feel ashamed. I’m your hell, I’m your dream. I’m nothing in between. You know you wouldn’t want it any other way.”
I no longer feel ashamed for being who I am. I used to but not anymore. Why? Because it’s unrealistic to be one-dimensional.
Life is messy.
I am messy.
And that, my friend, is okay.
I’m many things all rolled into one and I’ve accepted that this is just part of the process. Of course, I’ll strive to be the best person I can be but that includes acknowledging the complexities of my lived experience.
It’s not ‘either-or’ it’s ‘and.’ Right?
It’s not “I am a Feminist,” or “I am a misogynist” for liking rap. It’s “I’m Feminist and I acknowledge that rap, and other genres, are misogynistic, which is why I will continue to hold our patriarchal capitalist society accountable while challenging their decision to glorify the dehumanization of women all while listening to my favorite rap songs.
And, my friend, I am okay with that.
Like Meredith said, I urge you to “Take me as I am. This may mean you’ll have to be a stronger
This means you have to be strong enough to weather my changing seasons and be okay with the fact that “tomorrow I will change and today won’t mean a thing.”
“Don’t try to save me.” I don’t need saved. I need to be accepted.
I need you to accept that:
- I’m a bitch [#s4tlG]
- I’m a lover
- I’m a child
- I’m a mother – well, role model
- I’m a sinner
- I’m a saint
- I’m your hell
- I’m your dream
- I’m nothing in between
- I’m a bitch [#s4tlG]
- I’m a tease
- I’m a goddess on my knees
- I’m your angel undercover
- I’ve been numb
- I’m revived
- I can’t say I’m not alive
- I’m a hypochondriac that’s convinced the pain in my left temple is caused by a brain tumor
Really, would you want it any other way?