My Best Friend is a “Dumb Old White Lady”


White people, man.

I think I make the face above, at least once a day… on a “good” day.

I can see why people – and when I say people, I mean White people who get uncomfortable when I call out their White supremacy and White privilege- think I “hate” White people.

It’s probably because I now feel safe, or maybe confident, enough to call White people out on their bullshit. [p.s. Sorry for the language, Grammy]

To set the record straight, I love White people. Like I said in, “It Don’t Matter if your Black or White,” I love White people so much that I’ve made it my personal mission to support them in their growth as a human being.

Taking a line from the White people who swear they’re not racist because they have one Black or Brown friend: “I don’t hate white people. My best friend is a self-proclaimed dumb old White lady.”

To be clear, my shero and femtor (female mentor) is anything but dumb and old. She is, however, White and often refers to herself as a “dumb old White lady” to minimize the wisdom she brings to the collective movement to hold White people accountable and dismantle White supremacy.

My shero is not dumb; she is wise.

My femtor is not old; she is seasoned.

And, as a White lady, she is an ideal candidate to lead the movement of White people holding other White people accountable.

One of the many things I love about her is that she knows her place.

No, I’m not talking about that “check yourself before you riggity wreck yourself” type of “know your place.” I’m talking about that “a part of owning my White privilege and dismantling White supremacy is not making everything about me” or “I know I have to follow, not lead, the anti-oppression movement” type of “know your place.”

I find great comfort in knowing when I make that  “White people face,” she is making that same face right back at me.

I find great comfort in knowing that, as my White ally, I can vent to her without her taking it personal.

I find great comfort in knowing that when all people who are marginalized take a monumental blow, like we did with the announcement of Trump becoming our President Elect, I get a message from her, on Facebook, simply saying:

“I worry about you my strong Black woman. I hope you know you are loved. I don’t want you in a world that doesn’t respect you.”

In my opinion, we all need at least one “dumb old White lady” in our lives.

One that follows the lead of groups who are most marginalized without taking up space to deal with her White guilt. One that knows that her greatest contribution to life under a Trump presidency is to educate and mobilize her fellow White people. You know, the ones that elected a White Supremacist to lead the United States of AmeriKKKa.

To those who will search for a “dumb old White lady” or man after reading this post, I advise you to, like Rae Sremmurd, “get you one who can do both.”

We need both types of “dumb old White ladies,” if we’re going to survive a Trump presidency. One that’s down for the cause while knowing their place and one who will give that “White people face” to their fellow White people before and/or during the moment when they hold their fellow White person accountable.

If you have a “dumb old White lady” or man in mind but you’re not sure if they really ’bout that life – like my shero and femtor- encourage them to read:

Until then, enjoy a picture of me with my best friend, a bad ass Wise, Seasoned, White Lady. [p.s., Sorry for the language, Grammy]



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